Amanda B. McKelroy | June 11, 2019
Aching loneliness. It’s a real thing. Sometimes the craziest little things can set it off. There you are, beep-bopping along life’s journey, perfectly content and fulfilled. Then bam! The loneliness hits you so hard it knocks the wind out of your sails – not for a moment or hour, but for days, maybe even weeks and months. Society offers a variety of ways to distract yourself: retail therapy, fro-yo’ joints, music, and various entertainment options. But when you get back home to reality the distraction dissipates and you’re left facing the reality of loneliness.
I’m there right now – fighting to be full of joy, fighting to not let loneliness distract or discourage me and steal that joy. The battle was nearly won today by the time I got to church for the mid-week service. It took three days filled with lots of conversations with God about the issue. Then tonight in church, instead of reading a letter from one of our missionary families, as is our Wednesday night custom, the missionary had sent an update video. The family is a wonderful family. They are serving faithfully and seeing God bless their ministry abundantly. I know the couple well, she is an alumni of my alma mater whom I met in high school and greatly influenced me as a young lady; he was attending my alma mater at the same time as I and was my first freshman year heartbreak. Freshman year was twelve years ago and there are absolutely no lingering feelings or issues. Yet, seeing him narrate his family’s missionary video with clips of what their every day life looks like brought on that familiar sharp pang of loneliness. My heart whispers in my ear “that could have been me.” My mind retorts “that wasn’t God’s will.” Have you ever had this battle in your head? For the entire eight or so minutes the update video was playing I felt like I had two little me’s on my shoulders arguing back and forth between who would get control of my emotions: my spirit or my idiot heart.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am smack dab in the center of God’s will for my life. There’s no reason for me to be discouraged that marriage hasn’t been God’s plan for me. If it ever comes, I will cherish it. For now, I’m re-realizing why the Bible says our hearts are deceitfully wicked. My heart wants to scream the question “why?!?” But even when I’m having the mental battle between my heart an my spirit, I’m reminded of Psalm 37:4-5 “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”
The desires of my heart from the time of my childhood have been more than to be a wife, mom, or teacher. When I was a youth I wanted to be a professional or an intellect of some variety, have my own company and be my own boss, be a horse trainer, and to obtain a doctorate degree. I never yearned to be a mom, dreamed of being a pastor’s wife, or even planned out my wedding colors. I tried, I really did. But guess what? The Bible is still true and God’s promises can be trusted. God let some of the desires of my heart stay and grow, while others faded. When my heart tries to convince my emotions that God doesn’t love me enough to give me a husband to share life with, I must remind my idiot heart that it is not in charge.
God is with me and that’s all that matters. Yet the question remains, how does one get their heart under control when it wants to run wild?
- Make it right with God
Ask God to forgive you for questioning His goodness and hand in your life. Repent for even momentarily not being content with His will for you. Apply I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”It is highly likely when feeling lonely that this step will need to be followed multiple times in a day. Do it as many times a day as necessary to keep your slate clean before God.
- Give it to God
Hand your heart back to Him in prayer. David was an excellent example of giving his heart back to God. Psalm 139: 23-24 is an example of David putting his heart back in God’s hands: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Let God be the keeper of your heart by asking Him to judge if it is clean before Him. David’s prayer was: “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.”
- Press forward
If the meditations of our heart are acceptable in the sight of the Lord, then we are only dwelling on good things as Paul instructed in the New Testament: “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)If we are thinking on those things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and good then we are not dwelling on the bitter disappointments of the past or of our current situation. Thus we are able to press forward with what we know is God’s will for our present, for this season of life, and for our day. Paul used his own internal battles as an example: “Brethren, I count not myself not have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Our prize is Christ and our purpose in life is to glorify Him. If glorifying Christ means I am single, then I will press forward doing what I know is His will and leave the rest in His loving hands.
- Praise Him, Praise Him, Jesus our wonderful Savior.
“Praise Him, Praise Him” is one of my favorite hymns, it offers a wonderful solution to keeping our eyes on the prize that is Christ when the devil is trying to distract and discourage us.
- Praise Him through singing. Even if you are one who should only sing in the car or shower, do it there! Sing hymns, sing gospel songs, sing songs that worship and praise your Christ sincerely.
- Give thanks for everything you can think of! Make thanking God a habit in your life. Thank Him for the little things as much as the big things. Remember the Bible doesn’t say to give thanks necessarily “for” everything, rather it says “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” Giving thinks “in” everything is God’s will for every Christian. It is easy to rush through our day trying to get everything done without taking time to thank Him for His hand in our day. Part of pressing forward is keeping your eyes on the prize. Giving thanks keeps us focused on Christ and not on ourselves.
- Worship God in every way you can. Go to every church service, sing with the congregational hymns, listen to music that glorifies God, and pray continuously throughout your day. Thank Him, praise Him, ask for help when you need it, and worship Him. These things will keep your idiot heart in God’s hands, and your mind focused on Christ, eliminating pang of loneliness. In reality, we are never alone because God promises: “for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5b)
If I let my heart have its way today I will be a pint of mint chocolate chip deep in two shakes. If I let my heart have its way today, I will find myself in a full-blown pity party and my emotions will rule the day: emotions of misery and despair and discontent. Perhaps today, tomorrow, this week, I will not follow my heart. Perhaps I will not allow myself to dwell on what could have been with that one guy from years past, what if had I made a different decision in the housing department, or what if I had chosen a different career. I will place my idiot heart back in God’s hands, trust Him to care for it, and do what He has shown me He wants me to do. I will choose to trust God’s will for my life, His goodness in my life, and His love for me over my idiot heart.
“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15
“And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul.” Deuteronomy 10:12
